Stolf’s Blog 9/27/2010

#5 in today’s Baker’s Dozen got me thinking about something I dearly miss. Back in the day…how far back?…well, you stored computer data on large flexible floppies, and everything was done from the keyboard, no mouse…and no internet either…back in that day. At the radio station, we used computers for scheduling commercials and billing, other book-keeping needs, as well as a super-typewriter. I’d put together play lists of music, memos, and similar tasks. And as I said, it was all done from the keyboard…remember DOS? But I tended to be very impatient, and that’s where this little trick came in, one that would still be valuable today, yet I’ve never heard of it since.

This trick was a 2- or 3-key combination that would “clear the keyboard queue.” The queue is the location in the computer’s memory where what you type is stored, then acted upon. The keystrokes are lined up, like in a queue or waiting line, then dealt with on a first-in first-out basis. Sometimes, when things were moving along rather slowly, I’d get impatient and, for example, hit the ENTER key, again and again and again, to see if that would “do anything” or “speed things up.” Of course it almost never did, but then the operating system would dutifully want to do everything I was asking it to, and would at some point start hiccupping, carrying out all those pointless enter commands. Yeah, and sometimes that did indeed make things worse.

So after I’d vented my frustration on the keyboard, I would realize it really would be better if I hadn’t typed in that stream of enters, escapes, deletes, or whatever. That’s where “clearing the keyboard queue” came in. This combination of keys would flush out all those superfluous keystrokes, and I’d be able to start typing pretty much fresh, when the computer seemed to be responding normally. This type of thing doesn’t happen that often today, but when it does, it’s probably because things are going wrong, and I really am making things worse, gumming up the system even more, so to speak. Anybody know of a modern-day way to “clear the keyboard queue”? A millions thanx in advance if you do.

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) The secret is know-how, with a good supplement of know-who.

(2) According to Alexander Hamilton, reasoning and reasonable are two
different things…it’s best you strive to be both, rather than one or the other.

(3) Football announcers say “…and the ball is fair-caught”…
doesn’t sound right, but neither does “fair-catched”…why not
just “its a fair-catch”…or “he makes a fair-catch”?…search me…

(4) T-shirt….BEHOLD FARTACUS….

(5) Does anybody know of an app that allows you to see your password as you
type it? There’s never anyone looking over my shoulder! Please let me know…

(6) Danny Woodhead isn’t dead yet (see 9/14 #13)…signed by Patriots…
rushed for 42 yards in just 3 carries in yesterday’s win over Bills…

(7) Some one you never heard of said: The purpose of a
college education is to show you how little other people know.

(8) My Indian name is…Runs With Scissors.

(9) Nudist camp has a little store, with this sign in the window:

(10) My sister worked there one Summer, as the pants-check girl.

(11) You might be a 90s kid if…you went back to school with Yikes! pencils & erasers.

(12) Who knew? There’s a big market for counterfeit certificates of authenticity.

(13) I asked her if she was unmarried….she said Yeah, twice…


This must be one of the most ridiculous attempts at marketing in history. In fact, my initial reaction was that it was a clever hoax, but upon research, I have concluded that it is completely real. Obviously this never caught on, either as a product, or a as concept, or as anything. What the hell were they thinking? That this would catch fire, and some day, waitresses would routinely say: What do you want with that, fries or frauds? Actually, it’s kind of awe-inspiring that something this deranged could get as far as it did.

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