Stolf’s Blog 10/1/2010

Rummaging thru my stax-o-stuff, I came across this letter I mailed to the Watertown Daily Times earlier this year…never printed, of course.

Regarding the article of 7/4/10, relating how the first four Alexandria graduates were named class leader, co-valedictorian and 2 co-salutatorians: All I can say is, where have you been? For years contests have offered a “grand prize” as their top prize, relegating “first prize” to the second slot, and on down the line. In fact, I seem to recall an instance where some genius came up with a “super prize,” making “grand prize” second, and “first prize” a lowly third.

Oddly enough, this form of reasoning has a basis in mathematical reality. Computers are the ultimate expression of mathematics, “math machines” if you will. The principle boils down to a simple on or off, represented by 0 or 1. Thus, when a computer “counts” things, it assigns 0 to the first thing, 1 to the second thing, and so on. When you learn programming, you understand early on what this zeroth or 0th deal is all about, and why it’s necessary. Naturally the computer must then “translate” number rankings when reporting them to its wetware masters, by adding 1 to everything. Well and good. It happens behind the scenes, so we never have to know about it. But, as a computer might put it,  is = is.

What gets me is how everyone has forgotten the difference between doing a thing every year, and doing a thing once then commemorating its anniversary every year. The “number” in each instance will not be same. For example, you are born once. A year later, you celebrate the first anniversary of that birth, what we call your first birthday. But the Super Bowl is different: the first Super Bowl was Super Bowl 1, and a year later came Super Bowl 2. But notice that Super Bowl 2 also marks the first anniversary or first birthday of Super Bowl 1. See the difference?

This summer there are several prominent 50th’s being promoted in the North Country (I won’t name names) of things begun in 1960. Why? Because 2010 minus 1960 equals 50. Simple, right? Take the year it started, subtract that year from this year, and that’s the number. For example, suppose the first Purple Loosestrife Festival was held in 1960. Then, in 1961, the first Festival was held, since 1961-1960=1. See? Two firsts. Gee, maybe Alexandria is on to something.


B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Wow! On your web browser, there may be more tool-bars displayed than you
really need…uncheck them under “View” and see more of the web at one time…Wow!

(2) My sister used to work in a bank…for birthdays & Xmas she’d give money…well,
she got it wholesale…that’s a joke, son…actually, she explained it: these were samples…

(3) Will Rogers said: Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

(4) TV ‘s screwed up… Tampa Bay  Rays wore caps w/plaid brims. You saw it too?

(5) Quiz: How can Abe stand behind Zack while Zack stands behind Abe?

(6) Here’s one for “Wheel of Fortune” fans…what English word has 5 S’s, 4 E’s, and 2 L’s?

(7) dish Network flyer in the mail…big print says: FREE HD FOR LIFE!…
small print says “Offer requires 24-month Agreement.” So do they know
something that we don’t? Like we’re all gonna die in 24 months?…gulp!…

(8) …also says LOCAL CHANNELS INCLUDED EVERYWHERE!…
small print says: “Local channels may not be available in all areas.”
So who do you believe, them or them? Sounds scammish to me…

(9) Rita Rudner said she broke up with her boyfriend…
he wanted to get married and she didn’t want him to…

(10) Reminds me of old joke…She: We ought to get married. He: Sure, but who’d have us?

(11) A few years back, an ad for a brand of canned nuts claimed:
“You can see how fresh they look!”…not how fresh they are, just look…

(12) …and there was a classic ad for oldies (LPs? cassettes?)…girl sez:
“Nobody forgets their prom because of all the memories!”…yup, when it
comes to remembering stuff, there’s nothing quite like memories, boy…

(13) In the checkout line, Globe’s headline: PRINCE CHARLES IS GAY!…
duh…tell me something I don’t know…like for example, is he a homosexual?


POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

No comment, except LOL.

answer to (5)  They stand back-to-back.

answer to (6)  sleeplessness…

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