Stolf’s Blog 11/27/2010

Here’s an idea…turn Political Correctness on its head, which is to say, use it for all it’s worth…if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, as they say. And this is regarding the “p-word”…profiling. There will be no profiling, not now, not ever. Not at airports, not on the mean streets of the inner city, not anywhere. Profiling is right out! Instead, we have a new concept: commonalities. There, doesn’t that sound better? And what do we do with commonalities? We embrace them, empower them, acknowledge them, and when it gets right down to the nitty gritty, evaluate them, while at the same time celebrating the heck out of them.

Of course, it amounts to the same thing as profiling, but it has such an attractive kumbaya feel to it, who could resist? And after all, it worked with “problems.” We made them all go away. No one has problems anymore. We renamed them “issues,” remember?

LeonardWatch…Another Turkey Day, another loss for the Bengals, who must have the dopiest looking uniforms in the league, worse even than the Broncos, who kicked off the under-arm “sweat stain” look. I mean, the tiger stripe motif is fine, the unis are just too busy, too disorganized, they look they they were designed by a 5th grader. Not one of the smart ones. Anyhow, BL had 2 catches for 3 yards, over and out. You know, I can see him on the Patriots, like a slightly bigger version of Danny Woodhead. Can’t have too many, sez me.

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Call me crazy, but I wonder if vegetarians eat animal crackers…

(2) …and can you imagine Alphabet Soup in Arabic…is that a choking hazard or what?

(3) Still remember my first blind date. She had a contagious smile…& it didn’t stop there.

(4) I had a really bad time one day this past Summer…
the riding mower got stuck in reverse, and it put all the grass back.

(5) …in the early days of power mowers, many were made
by companies that also made out-board motors for boats…
in fact, one had a detachable motor you could use for both!

(6) Ben Franklin said: God heals, and the doctor takes the fee.

(7) …reminds me of: Neurotics build castles in the air…
psychotics live in them…and head-shrinkers collect the rent.

(8) Groucho: You’ve got the brain of a 4-year-old, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(9) When Cool Daddy’s kid asked about drugs, he gave him a Cheech & Chong
record to listen to…he figured if he didn’t get it from that, he must be on drugs!

(10) Word-o-Day…en pantoufles…it’s French, means relaxed,
at ease…literally, in slippers…or falls sleeps at breakfast…

(11) In Harry Potter, Prof. Sprout said: “Grasp your mandrake!”…yes, well, um…

(12) Let a smile be your umbrella…you’ll be happy…and wet.

(13) Remember Cash for Clunkers? Guy down the street
brought in his mother-in-law…they told him: Nice try, fella…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

The year is 1983. The headline in the ad reads: “72K. Color. Sound. Under $200. Welcome to the Computer Age.” Yup, the Timex Sinclair 2068. You used your TV as a monitor. The keyboard featured what were nick-named “chiclets,” altho they were “full-travel.” That flat panel on the right lifted up and accepted “cartridges” to load software. The advertising spokesman was a caveman from Johnny Hart’s “B.C.” cartoon, who lamented: “And I was just getting used to the Stone Age!”

Now $200 was just the start. You’d need a printer for $100, a modem cost $120, and to store information, a $50 “Program Recorder,” i.e. a dedicated cassette machine. And you had to have a TV, of course. Still…72K, dude! That’s 72,000 glorious bytes…actually 73,728, but probably not all available to the user, operating system overhead, doncha know.

Podcasts at http://stolfpod.podbean.com and http://thewholething.podbean.com
Daily blogs at https://stolf.wordpress.com and http://deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com
More bloggage at http://travelingcyst.blogspot.com and http://www.examiner.com/retro-pop-culture-in-watertown/mark-john-astolfi
Resume and audio samples at http://home.rr.com/mastolfi

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