Stolf’s Blog 4/14/2011

The small pleasures of life are where you find them. For example, the word processing program I use on my Apple Macbook is called TextEdit. It has a feature that automatically corrects misspellings…and it works reasonably well, changing for example “teh” into “the.” But other times, it takes what my sausage fingers have pounded out and guesses wrong. The other day when I had stuff on Gumby, and he was having trouble with the swinging doors of a saloon…it came out swigging doors. Later in that post, I mentioned Ted Williams hitting a home run…that got changed to a hope run, which to my way of thinking borders on poetic, I don’t care what team you root for.

But if you really want a laugh, go to some website written in a foreign language and ask the web (Google, Yahoo,  or whoever) to translate it into English. There’s this high-brow/low-brow concept in literature called “found poetry”…completely accidental, like a sign that reads ROOT BEER SOLD HERE. These translations are like that…bewilderingly inept, but at the same time, astonishing word-play that you couldn’t invent if you tried. Altho, heaven knows I do try…

LIke I was thinking about that nonexistent Yugoslavian James Bond ripoff from the 1960s…starring Balkan heartthrob Tex Tschgrodni as secret agent James Bnod. The first film, We Do the Spying of You Today, Tomorrow Again We Do was such a hit that it spawned a whole series, including Tokio Love FingerHeadful of KillersDeath on JugoslaviaThe Danger BallForever Bang Bang Bang…and 5,4,2,1, Space Off!

B*A*K*E*R*S    D*O*Z*E*N

(1) FYI…”natural-cut” french fries…as recently introduced by Wendy’s…
this means they leave the skins on…peeling is unnatural, you see…

(2) ADVANCE WARNING!…My “local listings” say multiple episodes
of The Rifleman on AMC this Saturday morning starting at 6AM…

(3) The biggest supplier of oil to the US?…Canada!…look it up, bro…

(4) Erma Bombeck said: A man who watches 3 football
games in a row should be declared legally dead.

(5) As Absolute Despot of the Universe for Life, the first thing I’d do is
abolish this notion so many people have that: If I don’t, nobody should…

(6) > > > I never drink…I am hard to keep in order as it is. < < <

(7) Christo…the avant-garde “artist” who wraps things…and his
wife Jeanne-Claude were born on the same day: June 13, 1935.

(8) The “tipping point” of celebrity…when your name is worth more than your services.

(9) Henry Ford said: An idealist is one who helps others become prosperous.

(10) They recently wrote in the Wall Street Journal that the “NFL Combine”
rookie camp is big waste of time…don’t stop…keep going…what else is?

(11) Old German saying: Rast ich, so rost ich…When I rest, I rust…

(12) Dirty old man George Bernard Shaw opined:
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

(13) If we’re part of the Milky Way Galaxy, how come we can see it? Because
we’re waaaaay out on the edge of it…the boonies, the sticks, Planet Palookaville…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

She and I were walking along the sidewalk one very windy day. First her hair blew in her face. Then her hair blew in my face. Then it blew into the street…

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