Stolf’s Blog 1/23/2012

I love the Wall Street Journal…it is my “go-to” newspaper, no question. If I were to make one change, I would lose this cockamamie column…

…because its fundamental premise, day in and day out, is completely false: correlation equals causation. True, a correlation can be the cause of something, but not automatically, as this column assumes. Towards the end, where it says “Or, at least…” he begins to come to his senses.

But to review, JD thinks that “No team can win the Super Bowl if they rank below 25th in either yard gains or yards allowed…i.e. total offense and total defense.” Yes, this is indeed a correlation. But that’s all it is…there are many factors that lead to a Super Bowl win, and a raw stat…in and of itself…simply isn’t one of them. That point will be driven home if any team besides the Ravens win this year. Then, the “25th” will have to be adjusted…but why bother?…it’ll still be as meaningless…

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Re choice of reading material, author and critic Edmund “Bunny” Wilson
said: “Certain people have a lifelong appetite for juvenile trash”…Bunny???…

(2)   »  »  »  »   When nothing goes right…go left…  «  «  «  «

(3)  What I like about living in a small town is, even if you
don’t know what you’re doing, everybody else does… 😉 😉

(4)  The definition of good writing: Passion, thought, and
intensity of feeling, while using words one already knows…

(5)  Oddly enough, there are 2 Hernando DeSoto’s…one is the famous
explorer…the other a present day economist from Peru…who knew?…

(6)  Uncle Cosmo died Friday…he didn’t live long enough
to see the word “blingtastic” used not once but twice in
an article in the Wall Street Journal…how I envy him…

(7)  W.C. Fields: Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.

(8)  Here’s a song by the Stones you never hear on
the radio any more…yup, the world really must be crazy…

(9)  I had a dream that everyone used strips of bacon
instead of dollar bills…or was it just a dream????…

(10)  Marital status: Independently owned and operated…

(11)  …but basically, I am an utterly boring individual…
to me, showering naked is living on the wild side….

(12) Your chances of dying while going to buy a lottery ticket
are greater than your chances of winning…I’m just sayin’…

(13) In line at the grocery store, the lady ahead of you has
3 small children and a large order…she comes up $1.20 short
and is flustered and near tears…what do you do?…you pay the
$1.20 and with your broadest smile tell her that all you want in
return is that she does the same, if she can, for someone else…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

A couple more from the Laff, Darn Ya!!! Department…so do it, already…

Stolf’s Blog 1/22/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Dueling Proverbs….God helps him who helps himself…contrasted
 with…
Thou shalt not steal…not really the same, I know, but it’s still funny…

(2) If Barbie is so popular…why do you have to buy friends for her?…

(3) The season before The Andy Griffith Show debuted, Dub Taylor played
a handyman on 3 episodes of Dennis the Menace…named Opie Swanson…

(4) …and Howard “Floyd” McNear once played a barber
on Leave It To Beaver…named, oddly enough, Andy…

(5)  Today we say “that’s so cool” and everybody knows what we mean…
in 50 years, maybe they’ll say “that’s so warm” and it’ll mean the same…

(6)  Hard work pays off tomorrow…laziness pays off today…

(7)  Word for the day…lanugo…fetal hair that is usually shed before birth…

(8)  Steven Wright: My theory of evolution is that Charles Darwin was adopted…

(9)  Guy at the garage told Cool Daddy…”I couldn’t
fix your breaks…so I made your horn louder”…

(10) Strange but true…the role of “Dirty Harry” was written for Frank
Sinatra, but he injured his hand and couldn’t work…then John Wayne
turned it down…he later made up for it with his own cop movie McQ…

(11) Time For Some Oldies Butt Goodies…
What a 
watch-dog I have…I said: Attack!!…and he had one…

(12)  …I figured having a dog would protect me in
the
 big city…then I ran into a mugger with a rhinoceros…

(13)  …so anyway, now I have a sign at my place…
PREMISES PROTECTED BY EXTREME POVERTY…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Ditzy DC Part II…around the same time period as yesterday’s…they came up with a character to cash in on the Beatles bit…lasted longer, 1966-72…altho with plots like this, you wonder how. Mad Professor Luv transferred the minds of the kids into these vegetable bodies…sure, why not?…it’s certainly something most of us have always wanted to do, right?

Stolf’s Blog 1/21/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1)  A. Lincoln: The best part of one’s life consists of one’s friendships…

(2)  Simpsons trivia for 100, Alex…their hockey team is the Ice-o-topes…

(3)  Oliver Wendell Holmes: A flower is Nature’s way of saying Amen…

(4) Pez candies are from the German word for peppermint…pfefferminz…

(5)  Do the math…1/7th of your life is spent on Mondays…

(6)  Our next item up for auction…a rare photograph of
of Harry Houdini just after he locked his keys in his car…

(7)  It’s hard to have a girl-friend who’s a psychic…
typically, they’ll leave you before you’ve met…

(8)  The early bird gets the worm…but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese…

(9)  Oldie but Goodie from the playground that still
works today…You’ll be OK…we just don’t know when…

(10)  >> Aristotle said: A friend to all is a friend to none… <<

(11) William “The Refrigerator” Perry: I was big ever since I was little…

(12)  »  »  » Poet John Donne: Letters mingle souls…  «  «  «

(13) On The Addams Family, Fester’s last name is Frump…he is Morticia’s
uncle, brother of her mother Hester “Granny” Frump, played by Margaret
Hamilton…altho in the movie, he is wrongly cast as Gomez’ brother…duh!…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Straining for a new angle on the superhero craze, DC turned to parody with Awkwardman, White Feather, The Blimp, Dumb Bunny, and Merryman (yes, patterned after Woody Allen.) 3 issues in the anthology “Showcase” title, then 10 of their own title…1966-68 and out. I wonder if anyone remembered that MAD started out as a parody comic book, before switching to a magazine format…I mean, besides me…

Stolf’s Blog 1/20/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S   D*O*Z*E*N

(1) You’re “best in class”…and “in a class by yourself”…sweeeeet…

(2) Mae West: Love conquers all…except poverty and toothache…

(3) Ezra Taft Benson: Peace cannot be imposed..
it must come from the lives and hearts of men…

(4) When the Media reveals “scandalous” personal behavior by politicians,
I say: Great!…he’s a human being after all…I was beginning to wonder…

(5) Daniel Webster: He who promises to 
be a good master, still wants to be master…

(6)  Well, I sort of figured this would happen eventually…
Kazakhstan could only be funny for so long…ditto Tadzhikistan…

(7) How many “licenses” would still be necessary
if the government couldn’t charge money for them…?

(8) OK, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience…honestly...ONCE!!

(9) Cool Daddy’s kid is at that age…one minute you
want to slug him…the next minute you want to kick him…

(10) What do Beverly, Bimbo, & Bambi have in common?…
they were once male names…from a surname…the Italian
nickname for Bambino or “baby”…and of course the deer…

(11) …Agostino “Bimbo” Giuntoli’s club wasn’t open 365 days…
365 was its original street address…it’s now at a different location…

(12)   >>>>>>>  Stupid by Choice, not by Chance!  <<<<<<<

(13) One of my favorite old Borscht Belt lines…
I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand…so my wife lit it!

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

If there’s anything I hate more than the styling of today’s passenger cars, its the bloodless letter-names…so here’s an article from the Wall Street Journal about the new Cadillac ATS joining the CTS, DTS, STS, and SRX. For a brief moment, a fleeting glimmer of hope…”Cadillac Contender”…but that’s not a model name, just a description of the attempt to challenge the foreign luxury makes. Not a bad name tho, if you don’t think too much about what the word “contender” actually implies…;)  😉  😉

Stolf’s Blog 1/19/2012

This is a little spooky…sometimes with my hotmail account, I’ll intend to attach something, and mention it in the body of my text, then forget to attach it and hit “send.” Hotmail will give me the following error message.

So what, it’s “reading” my emails? So I decided to experiment a little and see what triggers this message…here are my results…the body of my email is exactly as it appears below, often just a single word…

attached…..no
attachment…no
the attachment…yes
teh attachment…no (interesting…)
see attached…yes
see attachment…yes
i have attached…yes
i have not attached…no
as the attached clearly shows…yes
i had sex with the attached…yes
there is nothing attached…no
review attached…no
ignore attached…no
ignore the attached…yes
this is not the attached…yes

So you tell me…is it or isn’t “reading” my mail before I send it?

B*A*K*E*R*S   D*O*Z*E*N

(1)  People accuse me of living in the past…well, it’s cheaper!!!…

(2) No, they don’t make much molasses candy anymore…
more’s the pity…below, left to right, 1937, 1950, 1960s…

(3) Writing a sitcom isn’t rocket science…remember the game show
Aunt Bee won those brown appliances on?…it was called “Win or Loose”…

(4) Billy Joel lyric: I don’t care what consequence it brings…
I have been fool for lesser things…(from “The Longest Time”)

(5) Oldie but goodie…HOW WINDY WAS IT?…
down on the farm, a chicken laid the same egg 3 times…

(6) The latest example of “doublespeak” to guard against…
“context based”…this means we can do whatever we want…

(7) The Miss America Pageant isn’t the big deal it used to be…
maybe because we finally figured out that all women are beautiful…

(8) …but Ah!…Phyllis George!…1971…thank you, Denton, Texas!…

(9) Dallas is back on TNT this summer…with Hagman, Gray, and Duffy…
centering on grown-up sons John Ross and Christopher…and they say they’re
gonna stay true to all that’s happened before…what, no “dream season”?…

(10) …well, OK, one change…Southfork is now a wind farm… 😉 😉

(11) …but seriously, other characters from the original 357-episode run
will be back…but they aren’t saying who…which makes sense…watch it!…

(12) When you go your separate ways, bear in mind it’s a small world…

(13) George Bernard Shaw: You should put more into the world than you take out.

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Nice….very nice….

Stolf’s Blog 1/18/2012

This is something new in professional sports…counting postseason games in with the regular season as a total won/loss record. I guess they’ve done it in college sports for a while, but I don’t really follow the minor leagues… 😉 😉 So anyway, how about in baseball, too…where you could play a maximum of 19 extra games in the playoffs…and while you’re at it, add in post-season stats to the player’s regular season totals. Gee, a whole new tier of Elias Sports Bureau records…or as I’m calling them, “micro-records”…cause they really are so insignificant…especially when there’s a couple of at least‘s thrown in…

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Anybody play squash?…it’s like handball, except with a small pumpkin…

(2) It is a human paradox that sane individuals
can come together as a group and act insanely…

(3) As of Monday, 1st class stamp in Canada is 61¢…to the US, $1.05…
a little pricey to inquire as to the health of Cousin Louie in Duluth, nez pah?

(4) Cool Daddy doesn’t like being a celebrity…people go
thru his trash…one guy left a note: You ought to eat better…

(5)  No State shall convert a liberty into a privilege, license it, and charge
a fee therefore. …Murdock v. Pennsylvania, US Supreme Court, 1943…

(6) Anger often results when you don’t want
to accept what your inner voice is telling you…

(7) You Might Be a Baby Boomer If...you watched Red Skelton
on TV and wondered why he didn’t look like a red skeleton…

(8) ...2 seagulls…Heathcliff says to Gertrude: Look down there
in the parking lot…I think I’ll make a deposit on that Mercedes!…

(9) It’s hard to do your own thing…when you left your tools in the truck…

(10) Guy down the street has a new “trophy wife”…
yeah, he won her at a bowling tournament…

(11) Real tag-line for new movie…Now showing at select theaters everywhere…

(12) Flashback to Oct., 2009…the Wisconsin Tourism Federation changes
its name to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin…check the initials…

(13) Paul Muad’Dib in Dune…”Hard tasks need hard
ways…but you do not smash your knife before a battle.”

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

What do these 5 guys have in common? They all use the same jokes, written by Izzy Moskowitz and his brother-in-law Myron. Now I don’t watch American Idol…I’ve only seen the promo commercials…but what is it with Steven Tyler and these Borscht Belt gags?…”I’m so old…the Dead Sea was still sick”…”This is the earliest I’ve ever been late”…so what’s next?…“My doctor gave me 6 months to live…I couldn’t pay my bill, so he gave me another 6 months.” Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with these oldies but goodies…quite the contrary. It’s just I would have expected something a bit more hip from the Aerosmith dude, you know? Maybe the reasoning is, most of the viewers are so young, to them these are new jokes…but in that vein, here are some classic vacation slides from Jackie Vernon…

Stolf’s Blog 1/17/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S   D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Miles Davis said: Do not fear mistakes…there are none…

(2) On the Nat Sherman website: Our tobacco products are for adults who
freely choose to smoke…as opposed to those who are forced to smoke?…
like as a condition of employment?…or as part of a divorce settlement?…

(3) Anagram for “the morse code“…”here come dots“…weird…

(4)  Groucho said: If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’d be happy to do it for you…

(5)  …he also pointed out that nearly every divorce starts out with a marriage.

(6)  Um, the word is “pre-owned”…I saw an ad that said “pre-used”!!

(7)  Cool Daddy is planning a one-man show…I said: Starring who?…

(8)  A TV commercial said that “fitness is a sport”…no, actually,
it isn’t…except perhaps in the sense that consciousness is a virtue…

(9)  C.S. Lewis warned us not to substitute pleasure for joy…

(10)  The Giants beat the Packers?…all I can
say is, I guess they have cheese in NY too, right?…

(11)  Nikola Tesla said: The insane can think
deeply…but you must be sane to think clearly…

(12)  I’m just waiting for some judge to rule that those Birds have to
attend Anger Management classes…that would be sooooo Nanny State…

(13) Ever had “2-handed cheese”?…that’s where you hold
the sandwich with one hand and your nose with the other…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Trix cereal was introduced by General Mills in 1954…eventually they got the shape as little balls, but at first they were more like little flattened discs. Cocoa Puffs, the chocolate version, came along in 1958. Above are the first several iterations…they changed their “trade dress” regularly, at least once a year. But here’s the thing…I distinctly remember another version called Caramel Puffs…it was probably my first exposure to the “line extension” form of marketing. Did I ever try it? Dunno…I have a very vague recollection of crunchy caramel and milk for breakfast.

But apparently Caramel Puffs wasn’t around for very long. Not a single picture has turned up, not on the internet, not in several books on the history of breakfast cereals and on cereal box collecting. The few hints I was able to find pointed to the possibility that is was sold only in Canada. That is, until several weeks ago when I found the above in an April 21, 1960 newspaper ad…from the Indiana Evening Gazette…careful, that’s the town of Indiana, Pennsylvania! So it was here in the states…maybe someday a picture will turn up…it’s nice to have something to look forward to, sez me…

 

Stolf’s Blog 1/16/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S  D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Louis Pasteur said: Chance favors the trained mind…

(2) At this stage of their marriage, Cool Daddy’s wife hangs
a “Do Not Disturb” sign on their bedroom door…on the inside…

(3) You can’t control how you feel…only how you act on how you feel…

(4) A man will never say this to another man…
a woman will say it to anyone…you’re outside
and it’s 20 below…”Where’s your gloves?”…

(5) Fran Lebowitz: Never ask a child what
they want for dinner unless they’re buying….

(6) Nothing beats a proctologist with a sense of humor…
you leave his office and he bids you a fond doo-doo…

(7) In the old days, Old Spice commercials were all about whistling sea
captains…check today’s out…all the more effective at just 15 seconds…

(8)  »»»»  Failing isn’t falling down…it’s staying down… ««««

(9)  You can’t live forever…but you can live a life worth remembering…

(10)  Dwight D. Eisenhower said: Weakness invites aggression…

(11)  >>>>> The old forget what the young don’t know… <<<<<<

(12) How ’bout those New England Patriots?…they have so
many weapons, the United Nations is sending inspectors…

(13) Mark Twain was once asked: HOW COLD WAS IT?…he replied:
If the thermometer had been an inch longer, we’d have frozen to death…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Don’t have a date on these, but the graphics have a 1960s look…and when was the last time you saw a pizza with nothing on it?…well, maybe a couple of anchovies, looks like…

Stolf’s Blog 1/15/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S   D*O*Z*E*N

(1) The motto of the times…I confess…he did it…

(2) Everybody’s into Zumba…back in the day, you’d do a zumba,
and everybody would say: eeeew!…please excuse yourself!…

(3) Or the one I always liked: eeeew!…something died inside!…

(4) The lady down the street really gets into it…she’ll run
around he Putt-Putt Golf course going: Putt! Putt! Putt!…

(5) Nakita Khrushchev said: Politicians are the same in every
country…they promise to build a bridge, and supply the river later…

(6) Jim Morrison in “Break On Through”…
Day destroys the night, night divides the day…

(7) Governments tend to trample under foot…our
Constitution is what allows us to pry apart the toes…

(8) Don’t confuse not making things worse…with making things better…

(9) The Pursuit of Happiness means just that…and pursuing isn’t catching…

(10)  A classic from George Bernard Shaw: When you rob Peter
to pay Paul, you can pretty much depend on the support of Paul…

(11) You can’t have class warfare if everyone is treated as an individual…

(12) Doctor: Your check came back…Patient: So did my bursitis…

(13) Will Rogers said: Even if you’re on the
right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there…

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

It’s 1970…and your blind date shows up wearing this…today, you might think back on it and imagine you would have freaked…but back then, I dunno…LOVE!…

Stolf’s Blog 1/14/2012

B*A*K*E*R*S   D*O*Z*E*N

(1) Knowing the value of things: Growing up, we were too poor to be cheap…

(2) The New Normal…if you simply can’t remember
something, then later on it comes back to you, you’ll be
accused of “lying” the first time…strange days indeed…

(3) It is believed that President Kennedy’s back was deteriorating so
rapidly, had he served a 2nd term, it would have been in a wheelchair.

(4)  >>>>> If you dine with the Devil, bring a long spoon… <<<<<

(5)  New Wave Hitler…or skinny Oliver Hardy…you decide…HERE…

(6) In their first cartoon, Puss Gets the Boot (1940), Tom and Jerry
were called Jasper and Jinx…not to be confused with Cap’n Bob’s
hand puppet Jasper Jinx (right)…seen here with Gramps (left)…

(7) Thought from my Dad: The times that make us happy also make us wise.

(8) Numerous studies show nicotine helps with memory in older
people…a patch, not ciggies…so what, are there no bad plants?…

(9) »  »  »   Old saying: When two fall out, a third wins… «  «  «

(10)  Cool Daddy’s taking a glass-blowing class..his first piece
was a camel with 7 humps…he got the hiccups, you see…

(11) Strange but true…during WWII, there were German POW camps in
every state except Nevada, Vermont, and North Dakota..…and at funerals,
they were allowed to display swastika flags, provided by the US government.

(12) Walter Winchell’s wedding toast…
Never above you, never below you, always beside you…

(13) Also strange but true…Spittlefield is a place name in England…
it’s a variation on the spelling of Spitalfield, from “Ho’spital Fields”……

POUTINE-ON-A-STICK

Wombats are small Australian marsupials, and their droppings are indeed cube-shaped. Bones surrounding their lower digestive track make them squeeze out this odd shape…but why? If the word “evolution” makes you queasy, think of it as “adaptation.” Wombats mark their feeding and mating territory by defecating on top of flat rocks. Square dung doesn’t roll off like round dung would…and over hundreds of thousand of years, the squarer the poop, the more reproductive success. So in this case, “survival of the fittest” resulted in dice-shaped doo-doo. Ain’t Nature grand?…